"what was I made for?"| barbie, billie eilish & growing up

Barbie, directed by Greta Gerwig, took the world by storm. After years of conjuring up, the film premiered on the 20th of July, quickly becoming a sensation all over the globe. Besides joining many familiar faces and voices, such as Margot Robbie, Ryan Gosling, Billie Eilish, and Dua Lipa, the film brings to light many important messages, all whilst maintaining a very pink - very Barbie - atmosphere.

From the surface, Barbie seems like a regular film about an iconic toy, but it's so much more than just glitter and fashion, it's about womanhood and growing up. As someone who watched the film in the theatre, it was impossible to leave without overwhelming feelings, but also a certain numbness that held onto my chest. It's not a lie when I say it felt like I was watching the movie whilst holding on to the hand of my younger self. It was impossible to not feel the impending duality of being a woman, something so beautiful, yet so terrifying.

When we first think of the plastic toy we tend to picture Barbie's perfection. We think of her clothes, her dream house, her friends, her plethora of jobs, but we fail to comprehend what she means. It was refreshing, in a way, to see her journey in becoming more "human". To see her learn how her life is simply idealistic and how it does not 100% portray what it's like to be a woman, or to identify as one. Her humanity starts leaking through the screen when she faces her first existential crisis and, consequently, when she sees how irrevocably messy the real world is.

To me, the film felt like it had a natural timeline. Initially, we follow Barbie through her perfect idealistic life, one with blow-out parties and shiny things. One where she's the apple of Ken's eyes and she's wanted by everybody. One where she is simply "stereotypical Barbie", as they call her in the film. However, as we see her routine repeat itself, she starts having intrusive thoughts about death, which leads to judgemental looks amongst the other Barbies.

"Takin' a drive, I was an ideal / Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real / Just somethin' you paid for / What was I made for?"

Her routine becomes imperfect, she loses energy, she cries, she feels insecure. As the story progresses, without giving too much away, Barbie is forced to learn what it really means to be a woman in the real world. She learns about women's bodies, especially terms like body image, cellulite and hormones, but she also learns about the structural issues in society, such as the lack of women in power, the catcalling, the non-consented groping, the pay wage and so much more. In other words, Barbie experiences a "rude awakening" when she learns that real life isn't perfect, nor is it anything like BarbieLand.

I personally felt it was beautifully heartbreaking to see Barbie struggle to figure out what she was made for. Suddenly, her life loses the meaning it previously had and she has to figure out what she wants to make of it. Who does she want to be? What does she want to do? Who is Barbie and what exactly does she stand for?

I don't think any other song describes it better than Billie Eilish's "What Was I Made For?", written and composed for the film itself. The song describes the inner battle of not knowing who you are and what you want to do with your life. Essentially, it describes what it's like to feel stuck, unseen or under-appreciated.

listen to the track

One of the main topics that are brought to light in the film are the stereotypical standards women live through under the umbrella of the patriarchy. This is shown when Barbie, known to be utterly "perfect", starts believing she's no longer beautiful, almost worthless. With this, they're showing how, as women grow older, they start to fall victim to societal pressures to be perfect, to be just like Barbie. This can also be seen in Gloria's speech to Barbie, when she felt like giving up on herself.

"It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong."

In a way, Barbie can be a symbol of the exact societal expectations that are imprinted on women everyday. Therefore, we are reminded that simply feeling our human emotions, and simply being who we are, can be the step we need to become closer to defeating these "norms". However, the song isn't simply about being sad, in fact there's a shimmer of hope towards the end when Billie shows she still thinks she may be able to find purpose in life, just like Barbie on her journey to find out who she really is.

"'Cause I don't know how to feel, but I wanna try /

I don't know how to feel, but someday, I might"