learning to let go

We've all felt it at some point. The need to let go of someone or the past. To let go of fears. Anything can suddenly become something we feel the need to let go of. Letting go isn't easy. Although it varies from individual to individual, most of us find it hard to let go. We are made to build connections to people, places, memories, whatever it may be. But why are we so afraid to let go?

Most of us are afraid of letting go because it's connected with the unknown. Which is scary in itself. We're afraid of releasing because we're moving out of our comfort zone. Comfort is essential for sentient beings. We thrive with comfort. Most of the times we tend to perceive change as a negative action. However, no matter how terrifying, the action of releasing something can be even more liberating than staying the same. How can we change this? How can we move towards letting go?

No "solution" is engraved in stone. In a way, it's almost the same as an experiment. Stepping forward means searching for what will help us, rather than bringing us down. After some research and inquiry, I realised how many different opinions surrounded this topic. How much differs from person to person and situation to situation. Nonetheless, I began compiling some tips and advice I found along the way. This is what I found.

The act of letting go

• Rather than focusing on negative thoughts exclusively, try to think of any counterarguments. For every negative thought, think of a positive. Positivity can and will eventually outweigh negativity;

• Distance yourself physically from what's harming you. This gives you time to really understand the core issue and process how you can confront it;

• Be compassionate with yourself. Rather than tearing yourself down, understand why you should be taking care of yourself and why you deserve better;

• Don't be afraid to let it out. Some of us tend to bottle up emotions. Releasing them can make us feel a lot more light and help us stabilise our mindset;

• Most importantly, don't be afraid to seek help. Whether that be a loved one, a friend or a professional.

Letting go of self-hate or frustration

• Instead of dwelling over something you can't control, focus on what you can control and use that to move forward;

• If you have too much time to yourself and you feel it's beginning to take a toll on you, try out a new skill or hobby (writing, journalling, physical activities, instruments, art, etc.);

• Remove yourself from the situation and look at it from a different perspective.

Letting go of someone

• Although it's important to remember what this person taught you, really try to comprehend the experience you lived with them (this may bring you closure);

• When facing hurt or pain, try using your head over your heart. Why do you need to step away from this relationship? Why does it hurt you?;

• Unromanticise the way you see that person - acknowledge both the good and the bad.

The process is difficult, there's no denying that, but that doesn't mean impossible. To grow, we need to accept difficulties and setbacks. This is the only way we can accept and eventually move on.

- Joana